Life as "Other".

I have the somewhat dubious distinction of having grown up with all the challenges of an ADHD brain without also having the label and the assistance that typically goes with it (i.e., medication, therapy, etc.).

Because of this, I sometimes feel less than qualified to speak (or write) about disability; I mean, if I was able to grow up and turn out relatively well-adjusted without a diagnosis, am I really all that disabled?

And then I think back on a childhood filled with distress and misery over not fitting in; a youth full of confusion about self; and a young adulthood mired in difficulty due to misunderstanding and impulsivity... and I see the chaos that my life was - and is - due to ADHD.

All my life, I have known I was different. I used to come home from school and cry because I felt that I had no friends, I felt that nobody liked me (though I have realised that many people did actually like me when I was young), and I didn't understand why I was so separate and cut off from the world I was a part of.

When you grow up "other", as I did, you learn that "difficult" is just another word for "life". And at first, you don't realise that other people don't have the same problems you do.

Life is just harder for those who are different. We think, for some reason, that it's this hard for everyone. Except it isn't. And when we realise that our lives are more difficult, that hurts. It hurts a lot. Because difficulties cost us opportunities and friendships and relationships and jobs.

Now, perhaps, if I'd grown up with the label, I'd have known that my life was harder right from the beginning. But I doubt that would have mattered, in the long run. Because, you see, in the long run, my life wouldn't have been much different. The difficulties would have been the same. Maybe a few details would be different, but overall I expect things would have ended up just the way they did.

Being "Other" isn't all bad, of course. There are definite advantages to having an "overclocked mind". I love when I can harness the chaotic creativity that I live within, and the results are almost always phenomenal. I know that there is a purpose to my "otherness", even if it is only to be able to write these short essays that seem to contain some Truth and, as a result, serve to encourage and inspire those who read them.

Life as "Other" is not (and has never been) easy. But it is life. And that is worth the struggle.